the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
