The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
