Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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