Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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