Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
