I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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