I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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