It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She told me I should be a condom model.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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