she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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