The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
