I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
