I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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