then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
