i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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