Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
