wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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