carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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