what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
