Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
