I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
