If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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