i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
