You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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