i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
