What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
