I love black thongs
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i have two assholes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
