I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
