So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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