New invention idea: vibrating tampons
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am available for nakedness
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
