New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
