my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im part way to drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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