When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
