she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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