i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
