Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
