TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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