i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
