If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drunk is not a location!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
