Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
