I accidentally had phone sex last night
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
