hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
