i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
