i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
