u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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