They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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