I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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