Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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