bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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