fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
