Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
