Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think your dad took our porno
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
