Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
