At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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