I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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