thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
